Violet Joy
06-08-89
Westside Anglican Church
Young Adults Ministry (YAM)

RP
Diploma In Information Technology
Republic Poly Graduate
NUS
Degree in Computing
NUS Undergrad

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loved

.Andy Philip
.Angeline
.Carol Elizabeth
.Carolyn
.Cindy Leticia
.Chong Hui
.Eunice, Janice, Rebecca
.Ivy Chen
.Grace Leong
.Janice Leow
.Jasmine Pang
.Priscilla Ang
.Wei Qiang
.Zhong Fa


.Alan
.Audrey
.Danny
.Jia Min
.Victor Chan

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You give and take away..
my heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name...

the world's hardest words to say when God takes away things from you..
or worst, the things that you love..

but yet.. when we choose to say, Lord blessed be Your name..
you will come to realise there is more than just a declaration..
it is totally obedience and surrender to His will..

sometimes, there are situations and problems that we just don't understand why it is there..
and we might end up asking God.. why did He give up this problem to go through it....?

sometimes, it might simply just be our consequences of certain decisions on something... and therefore, we had to go through it..

but there are times, when it is because God wants us to go through it..

i hate what i am doing now..
i hate what i am feeling now..
i hate how i am responding to certain issues now..
i hate it all..

but why?...
why do i need to go through it..
why do i need to accept all these..
the pressure is building up...

am i swimming on God's lifebuoy?
am i depending on Him?

i have all the answers to these...
but what am i doing about it?...
i dunno how long more i can take it
but as i take it..
i really hope to say..

You give and take away..
my heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name...

violetjoy signing off~ 7:44 AM

i made someone's day! (:
or at least i think i did.. (:

nonetheless.. yea! (:
anyways.. i miss eunicee..
bet she is enjoying herself.. hehe..

tmr another day of lesson.. a day closer to end of year 3 semester 1 (:
last day of week 14.. then we are down with 2 more weeks.. im exciting.. (:

violetjoy signing off~ 8:32 PM

the moment i saw you

violetjoy signing off~ 6:16 PM

why has it become weird?... 

violetjoy signing off~ 5:25 PM

i cant explain how i feel now...

violetjoy signing off~ 12:22 AM

as i walked past the child care center in the afternoon, on wed..
i saw all the kids inside, sleeping soundly..
i thought.. this is how God wants us to be..
no matter how chaotic the world is outside..
God wants us to know that we are safe in His presence..
the children in there, could sleep soundly.. similarly as children of God, we are confident with what is happening around us, simply because God is our Father and He knows what to do..
so as long as we depend on Him, we can sleep as soundly as the children..

violetjoy signing off~ 9:46 AM

being in town yesterday, really allow me to think again, reflect...

before that,
as i walked to the bus stop ydae, i saw a funeral going on..
i was rushing off to my driving test then..
and i was reminded.. if i was at my death bed..
passing my driving test will be the last worry in my head...

and often, have we overlooked the important things in life..
the truly important things that really matters..
it is not our grades.. our acheivements..

but rather, our eternity destiny..
what happens after this life..
what are we chasing after?...
things that are as temporal as this world?
or things of eternal value?...

when i was reminded of this.. i was reminded of how tired i have been..
how i have been just working and working..
avoiding the topic of whether what i am doing is what God wants me to do...
just working..

and i was reminded.. of my purpose.. and truly.. i have lost my purpose of doing all these..
i have lost my true focus of working..
i have lost it again...

being sucked into the world of just doing mindless has really affected me greatly...
not wanting to face up to reality...
i guess, this is just something that i need to get out of it soon...
real soon...

when i was in town.. i realised one thing..
it is always upgrading.. always changing..
people say, the only constant thing in this would is chang..
ironic huh...

but as christians... are we doing the same?..
are we always not statisfied with the level of closeness with God, and trying to find ways to get closer?
or are we happy with where we are..

i realised when i am satisfied with my current status with God.. i start to slide back...
time to pull up my socks.. (:

violetjoy signing off~ 10:19 AM

tuesday...
in school...
go class..
then go home, and sleep.. cuz I'm super tired.. (:

next day... wednesday..
driving in the morning...
pass or fail.. actually wouldnt determine how i would feel for the day..
simply because i'm going out with my bestest best friend (:
yeapyeap (:
my dearest dearest Carol (:

though it is to send my macbaby to the doctor.. but nvm.. at least, if i cry, i have my best friend with me.. hehe (:

oh well.. anyways..
my first free wednesday after my FYP will be very well spent with my best friend (:
yeayea! (:

and thinking about it.. i couldnt really remember how we got so close..
but i never once regretted it at all.. (:

violetjoy signing off~ 7:54 AM

Endless Road
JJ Lin

The truth is tearing up my heart
I can't recognise this place
The endless road without a stop sign
Can't even find a stranger this time

Why am I still holding back my tears
In this loneliness there's nothing left to fear
Every chord still seems a wonder
How we could be together
Everytime I ask if this would be the last

Why am I still talking to myself
Hoping you will have the keys to my cell
Every song might calm the weather
But it just draws me deeper
How do I get out of this I think - I never will

A crystal forming in the eye
Maybe this would be the last
The winding path down my face
Till I begin to taste the bitterness inside

violetjoy signing off~ 9:26 PM

the more i want all this to go away..
the more i want to not keep silence..
the more i want to keep my mind busy and occupied..

simply because i don't know what will happen when i stay silence..
and perhaps.. my heart knows clearly that God wants to speak.. but i am refusing to listen...

the world has flooded us with noise.. loud music.. constant sound that would not go away...
given the chance to seat down and remain silent has been a priviledge.. but more than often.. we don't want and try to avoid this silence...

why can't we stand silence?...
have we been 'trained' since young to not be able to stand silence?..
God speaks in our quiet moments..
have we lost the desire to listen to Him?...

are we tuning our ears and heart to listen to Him?...
are we ready to listen to what he has to say to us?..

do we fear what God is trying to tell us?..
why do we fear?
is it because we know what God wants to tell us.. so we avoid it..
and at the end of the day, give the excuse that you don't know?...

my heart is tired...
my mind is weak...
my soul is dry..
my body is exhuasted...

and is all because i have not depended on Him.....

violetjoy signing off~ 2:41 PM

I'm finally done with FYP semester 1.. (: one more to go!! (:



but not thinking about that right now.. i want to rest...
after the stress and worry over the past week..
I'm physically and mentally worn out..
I'm emotionally tired too..
and spiritually, quite dry.. so after this.. it's time to get my rest, spend more time with God and get right with Him again.. (:

in the morning.. in the car.. my mum was just listening to some chinese songs.. it was some song about making a wish.. so the only english words they sang was 'make a wish..'

and think about that.. how often do we want something to badly...
or.. how often do we wish for something so badly...
and when you imagine yourself getting it.. you think that you will go over the moon.. your life will change.. etc..

but when you got it.. you realised.. heyy, the excitement wore off after that first instance...

like my FYP report submission on mon.. we were rushing like crazy for the report.. i was thinking.. waa, if only i can finish it, then everything will be done.. cool.. i was excited for the end.. however when we finally did finish... the happiness was short-lived.. a few seconds.. at most a min.. then... your mind will be thinking... what next?...

so what next?... what next?...

do we go through life doing this?... completing one thing after another.. achieving something you have always wanted, and when you did... the only thing you ask yourself is what next?.. is there nothing fixed in the world?....

i often ask myself that too.. is life just doing and doing and doing... doing until we die?...
the first breath that we take.. would it still be the same as the last breathe that we take?..
the lift we live.. do we at times, just waste it.. just like that?... do we sleep our life away, where half the time, we find ourselves on the bed. sleeping?...

what is life all about?... isnt it a question a lot of people want to know..
what is life truly about?..
making money?
getting the position that you always wanted?
being married before the age of 25?
having children before the age of 35?
getting the job that you always wanted?
having the latest gadgets to play with?

what is life about?...
to me.. i always told it was all the list above.. but i realised that there was more to it..
when we die.. where do we go? can we take all our successes with us? can we take our money with us?

what would determine what life is about.. would be the question.. what lies ahead of life?...
what lies beyond death?..
where are we doing when we die?
are you sure about where you are going?

death used to be very scary for me..
cuz i was uncertain of where i am going to land up in..
but having the assurance in Christ.. i am no longer afraid..

being certain of what lies beyond death would change all the decision that you make in life..

being certain of what is the truth in all these..
every action you take everyday would be different..
you wouldnt live like it is your last day to live... but rather.. live for the goal to attain the final prize at the end of the day..

being very sure and confident in God makes everything different, because now.. we know that God is there..

He will never change..
He will never leave us..
He will always love us..

this is something that is fixed and will not change.. having the confidence in something that will not change is more assuring that having the confidence in something that will change am i right?

so why make a wish? and hope that someday your wish will be fulfilled?
have the confidence in Christ, like i did.. and never regretted.. (:

be blessed..

violetjoy signing off~ 7:48 AM

how does it feel to be insulted?
how does it feel to be put down everytime you talk to the person?
how does it feel to be hurt?
how does it feel to be shouted at?
how does it feel to have to accept all 'thought to be simple' passing, yet crude remarks thrown at you all the time?
how does it feel at all?

one whole semester.. i had to put up with it...
one whole semester.. i had to just throw back all the comments he passed about me..
one whole semester.. i had to accept every offending remarks he throws at me..
one whole semester.. i took everything he said..

looking back.. i cannot say i have forgiven him..
it hurts..
it really hurts..
passing off hurtful remarks, comments, statements about someone..
right in front of the person..

how does it really feel?

because i simply am feeling so hurt that i am loss for words, when i think about it...
and tears just fall when memories comes back...

it hurts so much that i hate myself..
it hurts so much that i want to hate him..
it hurts so much that i just can't take it anymore...

i simply cant....

violetjoy signing off~ 8:00 PM

after a crazy rush for FYP for the past 4 days... if finally ended yesterday 12nn... because submission was 12nn.. (:

I thank God that we were able to finish on time.. without His grace, I wouldnt have the strength to stay till 2.30 and still waking up at 6am for 3 days and still have the energy to run around.. I really thank God for sustaining me through.. (:

FYP, semester 1 will officially end tmr, 3.45pm for us!! (: cuz our presentation is tmr, 3pm.. 45 mins presentation.. and that's it.. (:

Thank God for His grace (:

violetjoy signing off~ 7:56 AM

there is a stirring in my spirit that I am not sure what it is about...
seems scary at times..
but this stirring grew as the days past.. and I heard more sermons, talks, sharings...

Pastor Ann Chan's sharing today on godly women was indeed insightful... so many things I learnt from it.. and as i take home so many lessons.. I remember the many things that awaits me... be it in my school... be it in church...

and suddenly again.. I feel that bottled of emotions are spilt out again...

what's wrong with me, many times I have ask myself that, but found myself with no answers...
I don't know.. seriously...

but whatever it is, I wouldn't want it to affect whatever that I am doing now, for Him...
I want to focus on Him...

God, I need You now!!

violetjoy signing off~ 6:50 PM

as I look at all my friends around me...
there is one thing that I could conclude...

when emotions controls our actions and thoughts... it can really be scary at times..
one minute, you are top of the world..
the next moment, you are said to be at your lowest point in life..

it is indeed really scary to be controlled by your emotions.. I went through it before.. i know..
it is scary... yet sad, when you see people you love around you being controlled by emotions..
their emotions determine their day.. their emotions determine their actions..
their emotions determine their thoughts..
their emotions determine their decisions..

so it can be really dangerous because the devil can make use of it and cause you to crash and collaspe.. that's why we should keep in check our emotions.. be it a good day or bad day, or whatever things that made us happy or sad.. we should always focus back to God.. then we would realise truly.. how great is our God.. (:

one thing i learn so far... is my day may be horrible.. but God remains faithful! (:

if there is one thing i want to thank God today, is for giving me His grace and divine strength...
i slept at 2.30 am and woke up at 6am... and i am a person who can never survive a whole day, without proper sleep... therefore, this is only by God's grace... because He has granted me His strength! i thank God for it!! (:

I thank all those who prayed for me! (: most importantly, i thank God! (:

violetjoy signing off~ 1:47 PM

"We are such stuff as dreams are made on" – William Shakespeare

Wishing to encourage her son’s dreams on the piano, a common story says a mother brought her son to hear the great Paderewski. Bored, the little boy left his seat and wandered away.

Seeing a door marked "No Admittance" he promptly entered. He found himself on a stage with a piano in the center. His attention was drawn to the beautiful ebony grand piano with its glistening white ivory keys.

Suddenly the curtains parted and a spotlight lit the piano. Sitting on the piano stool, reaching for the ivory keys, the young boy started playing “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star.”

The audience's amusement turned to curiosity when the world famous pianist entered the stage. He quickly moved to the piano, and whispered in the boy's ear, “Don't quit.” “Keep playing.” “You are not alone”

Paderewsky sat down beside him and put his arms around the boy and began playing a counter medley as he whispered more words of encouragement.

The audience was so mesmerized that they couldn't recall what else the great master played.
It only takes just a few moments to inspire someone’s dreams - especially someone who looks up to you for encouragement and support.

The next time you see someone reaching for their dreams, come alongside them and whisper in their ear, "Don't quit." "Keep playing." “You are not alone”

Step up to the piano of life and play whatever tune you know. God will sit down beside you and turn your music into something beautiful. God can take our small, limited efforts, and make them into a masterpiece that draws others to Him.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11

He told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches."- Matthew 13:31-32

violetjoy signing off~ 8:02 AM

A son and his father were walking in the crisp clean air of the Swiss Alps.

In rugged terrain, the son slips and falls – letting out a shout of pain:"AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"
To his surprise, he hears a voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain."AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

Curious, he yells: "Who are you?"
He receives the answer: "Who are you?"

Angered at the apparently mocking response, he screams: "Coward!"
He hears the reply: "Coward!"

In confusion, he looks to his father who says: "My son, pay attention."

He screams to the mountain: "I admire you!"
The voice answers: "I admire you!"

"You are a champion!"
The voice comes back: "You are a champion!"

The boy is surprised, but still so does not understand. The father continues:

"People call this ECHO, but really this is LIFE.It gives you back everything you say or do. Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.

If you want more love in the world, find more love in your heart.If you want to challenge others to new heights, climb the mountains God sends your way!

“Life will give you back everything you have given to it."

Your life is not a coincidence. It is a reflection of you!

“The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him.- Matthew 12:35”

violetjoy signing off~ 1:56 PM

hmmm.. the only reason why I havent move to wordpress, or livejournal.. is perhaps cuz I'm used to blogger's simple UI.. pretty easy to navigate around.. I think I've tried livejournal before, and boy, did I get lost around there (:

nonetheless.. seeing carol's new blog.. pretty sweet.. (: very cool too.. haha.. let's see if I will ever move over to wordpress anytime soon.. but I doubt it will be soon.. (: since I still like my URL link (: hehe..

but as how Carol has put it very very nicely (: my mac is perhaps the most wonderful that happened to me (: never regretted buying one.. almost got virus.. but I believe she is strong, she have not collasped yet!! (:
and yes! it is a 'her' (:

encouraging everyone to get a mac.. wahaha (: well, then you can join the mac family! (:

as so many things have happened for the past few weeks.. emotions swinging high and low.. experience a lot of painful experiences.. but every lesson, I learnt from it.. be it from a painful experience.. I learnt it all well.. all praise to God (:

one most important I have truly learnt it well.. and pretty painful.. was surrendering everything to God.. I couldnt surrender part of it to Him.. having the fear that I will lose it forever.. but God assured me over and over again.. this is the best for me.. after struggling... for actually a good, 1year plus? I finally let it go.. giving Him everything that I once held on to..

and finally... finally... I felt free...
free from worries..
free from bondages..
free from fear..

all praise to God! (:

violetjoy signing off~ 8:09 AM

i have decided to let it go
i have decided to let God..
i cant continue this lifestyle at all...
at this rate, i will collapse in no time..

i have cried away all my pain to God
i have cried enough
it is time to let go..
it is time to let God...

emotions run high at times..
but i decided that i will let God control it..
feelings swing like a pendulum
but i decided to let God take charge of it..

i will lay down my life for Christ..
i will no longer hold on to things of the world...
i will let go..
i will let God..

Amen! (:

violetjoy signing off~ 8:06 AM

words that I cannot say
I hold it in all day
pain that none can endure
no medicine can truly cure

it had been hard to go through this
I miss those days of freedom and bliss
now I'm trapped in the mess
of pain and hurt and total stress

it has been those days that i cannot feel
even though the pain is real
how much longer do i need to go through
until I see again, the sky that is blue

life still goes on
people come and go
looking towards dawn
looking towards that sunshine glow

the pain that I endure
surpass my limited capability
I fall on God's arm, mind still unsure
I rest in His peace, ignoring all around me

violetjoy signing off~ 7:52 AM

I feel lost here

violetjoy signing off~ 9:17 PM