Monday, October 20, 2008
hundreds of words.. i want to say to you.. but everything my eyes met with yours.. my mind always went blank.. every time i wanted to take that step closer to you, i ended up taking 2 steps back..
after this, what happens next..
i dunno..
but im tired of running away..
perhaps everything was really just a facade..
everything was just so hard to imagine that it was real..
everything was just too good to be true..
im really tired.. really tired..
violetjoy signing off~
11:38 PM
Sunday, October 19, 2008
now she understood why she hated crowds so much.. in the midst of the crowds.. a sense of loneliness was so tangible.. the sense of being lost.. being ignorance.. the sense of hopeless.. everyone put on that mask that is so fake..
the hurt that overwhelms.. the pain that never fails to haunt you.. jumping into a crowd just makes it all the more worst..
the pain that is hidden from the surface.. the agony and desire that someone would at least pay the least attention to them.. then at least they know someone understand them..
she was a little girl that wants to see the world just as it is... but more than often, the world disappoints her, because of the true ugliness of it.. hoping that whatever she sees in the surface is as beautiful as it is in the hearts.. but more than often, she is disappointed when she saw the reality of it...
she has become a girl that sees everything as it it.. pretending that everything is alright, when clearly it is not.. she has become a girl that remains ignorant about her surroundings.. but lest people know that she has two sides.. the other side of her, knows there are so much more than just that.. the other side of her faces all the disappointments, failures, hurts.. people says that she is strong.. but actually, only one side of her pretends to be strong.. the other side has crumbled..
such a hypocrite, you might say.. this girl.. wishes everything would be what it is.. but she herself is two-faced too.. as selfish as it sounds.. this girl has became who she is, because of what and how she has seen the world.. the ugliness of people.. this girl knows that she has to grow up some day.. but she sure hopes that when she does grow up, she would become the person who is the same inside and out..
she hopes to have a friend that trusts in her.. and could pour out all his/her feelings to her.. she wants to be there for her friends.. somehow.. she was not given the chance to..
the girl loves her best friend.. she loves her best friend.. she treasures her best friend.. but she knows some times, her actions and her words hurt her best friend..
I'm sorry...
violetjoy signing off~
11:01 PM
how long was it.. since the last time, i really thought of something deep.. deep enough to allow my soul to keep asking questions.. when was the last time that i ever gave a second thought about what is going on around me..
a thousand things float through my mind.. but it just seems to be flashes of it.. passes through my head.. deep thoughts, intriguing thoughts..
personal heart desires.. all were stripped away.. in obedience to Christ.. it still hurts.. but knowing that it is necessary for growing and maturing, made it slightly better.. in the long run, i will be stronger.. in the meantime, i know my God is strong and i can count on Him..
violetjoy signing off~
10:49 PM
the strength of God surpasses the weakness of men.. been sick sick for the entire week.. and even before DI worship on sat.. and before worship, as i was praying before worship.. i felt really weak.. i thought i really couldnt lead.. but as i began talking.. the pain was taken away, the sickness somehow just disappear.. and i was made strong again during worship.. during worship, it was not my strength that i was using, i know cuz i had no strength at all.. throat was really dry.. but the voice though not perfect.. but it was sufficient to lead worship.. and i praise God..
though i am still not feeling too good, i praise and thank God for working through me on sat..
a new week ahead.. last week before a term break for a week.. that week of break will be work, work and more work.. so not much time for rest any more from now till end of the year.. more things are coming and i want to be prepared for it! (:
All praise to Christ my Lord! (:
violetjoy signing off~
3:48 PM
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
going through the sickness over and over again, brings pain within my body.. and if not controlled properly, soon it will surface.. migraines.. one of the worst, i had in my life.. fever, on and off like a switch.. flu, nose blocked, cough.. dizziness, nauseous.. the list goes on..
for the first time in three years, i missed school on Tues, because i am sick.. never occurred before.. today, i couldn't go school as well.. feeling dizzy in the morning.. headaches.. have became more 'defined' it doesn't just suddenly come.. it creeps in.. i can literally feel it creep in from the back of my head slowly.. throat tasting blood... hmmm..
but I'm pressing in... at this crucial time.. there is no time to fall sick.. no time to slack..
at the same time, i wish i had a car, so i dun need to walk so much under the scorching sun.. but.. nahh, gonna embrace everything i have now.. (:
Song currently listening to: I will boast! & Blessed be Your name!
violetjoy signing off~
10:57 PM
Friday, October 10, 2008
a brand new day, filled with God's new mercy and grace.. filled with hope and joy..
a heart consecrated to God...
i looked up the word consecrated.. it explains
" Consecration is the solemn dedication to a special purpose or service. The word "consecration" literally means "setting apart". "
setting apart... hmmm...
what does it mean to be set apart.. what does it mean to have a heart consecrated to God...
im super nervous for my driving test tmr... though after every time that i have failed, i am fine... but it makes me extra stress and extra scared.. guess, im just thinking too much... just focus on God, and do my best.. (:
violetjoy signing off~
7:58 AM
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
shopping with best friend is the best! (: shopping at tecman was even better (: bought 2 bibles.. one ESV, and another NIV.. and i bought an Ewin Mcmanus book! (: yea (: hehee...
so am here to announce again.. happy birthday Ms. Carol Elizabeth Wee (:
violetjoy signing off~
8:27 PM
Monday, October 6, 2008
a turn around from rebellion
a turn around from ignorance
a turn around from foolishness
a turn around..
walking away from hurts
walking away from the past
walking away from regrets
leaving all these to God to take control.. as i free fall to His arms of love..
running to a future that only God knows
running into an unknown that only God knows
away from worldly issues
focusing on the important things that has eternal value..
time to run..
time to grow up..
violetjoy signing off~
1:36 PM
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
reading my previous archives from my previous blog... made me realised something.. truly without the truth of God, embeded in your head daily.. you will be weaken.. i saw the difference in my typing, perpective of life previously and now..
i thought to myself what have changed?... not only the physcial enviornment around me.. but really, what have? it is my spiritual condition.. i guess it can be seen thru my daily actions, the way i behave and talk.. it has all changed.. this time, i think generally it changed for the worst.. and this shouldnt be it..
time to turn back....
violetjoy signing off~
3:45 PM
