Sunday, November 30, 2008
2 years..
2 years of emotions... tears..
day 1 of letting go (again)
starting from scratch..
its all over i guess..
violetjoy signing off~
8:00 PM
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
fyp is seriously catching me up... i have no idea how to do my fyp...
ohh mann...
violetjoy signing off~
5:32 PM
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
the pain of seeing you walk away..
it just continue to increase..
violetjoy signing off~
3:56 PM
Monday, November 24, 2008
what is our identity?
we are identified by our IDs in school..
we are identified by our IC numbers in our country..
cars are identified by number plates on the road..
but what is our true identity?
who are we when we are stripped of our roles and responsibilities..
who are we when we are stripped of our role as a student.. as a citizen.. as a daughter..
what truly matters in life?
everything seems temporal.. the things we buy, we own..
everything that we touch will one day fade away.. or at the very least decompose..
what is the everlasting object/person/thing that will be able to withstand time and everything in its surroundings..
what was unchanged through out the years, centuries, decades..
culture change.. environment change... weather change.. technology change.. people change...
the technology that was once considered a breakthrough in the history of man... people thought that nothing could beat that.. people could not imagine a better technology than that.. in a few years time.. there is going to be another breakthrough.. another more improved technology.. another better product.. just another....
people change in the matter of years, weeks.. or even days.. people are never the same today and tomorrow..
so what is unchanging?...
what is the constant?...
GOD...
God was there before the earth was formed..
God was there during the creation of the earth... He created the earth and everything in it.. in 6 days..
God was there when the first man and first women were created..
God was there when the first sin took place..
God was there...
God was there, when you closed the door behind you and cried in your room quietly..
God was there, when you were hurt by others..
God was there when you hurt others..
God was there when you walked away from temptation..
God was there when you fell for temptation..
God was there when you were feeling lonely..
God was there when you thought no one understand what you were going through..
God was there when you think life is not worth living..
God was there when you were on top of the world, because something great happened to you..
God was there....
God is there still.. beside you.. waiting for you to talk to him.. waiting for the day when you would acknowledge His presence.. His Lordship over your life..
God will be there for the future hurts, happiness, difficult times, easy times.. God will be there..
God never change.. He never will..
God was gracious to mankind when they first sinned..
God is gracious to us still..
God loved us so much that He sent Jesus down to die for us on the cross..
God still loved us very much that He hasn't left us in this chaotic world..
our identity is in Christ..
our identity in Christ will never change..
when i was sad, i am a child of God..
when i was happy, i am a child of God..
when i was tired of everything happening, i am a child of God..
when i was hurt, i am a child of God..
and this will never change.. it will never be something that i cant live up to either..
because i can do all things through Christ who strengthens me..
the power of the cross..
the power of God..
surpasses man's intelligence, wisdom, understanding...
God has not changed... He will never.. (:
All praise to Christ our God.. (:
violetjoy signing off~
7:49 AM
Thursday, November 20, 2008
no amount of right words could explain how i feel right now..
falling back to that time where all my feelings were squeezed into one bottle..
i feel like exploding..
like a balloon that has been filled with air..
one last blow of air, and it will explode..
im on the verge of it..
who can save me but God..
head knowledge of God's truth cant save me as well..
i need to apply it..
how?...
faith?
i'm tired of running this race..
i'm tired to walking this path..
i'm tired of doing everything that i'm doing..
be it in school, church or at home..
last 6 academic weeks of school before i graduate...
can i last that long...
last 5 weeks before this year end..
can i have a chance to start anew with God?
worldly desires have once again overwhelm me..
the desire to being with someone..
the desire of not staying single..
how long can i last.. 'not very long' God says..
but He doesnt stop there, He continue 'But you can last long if you trust and depend on me'
hmm.. trust and depend..
what does it mean to trust and depend..
trust..
when i look up trust, the definition that was given to me was;
have confidence or faith in;
believe: be confident about something;
faith: complete confidence in a person or plan etc;
to have confidence in a person..
do i have my confidence in God?
what does it mean to have confidence in God...
in every situation, who do we look to first..
God? or the situation itself..
when we look at the situation, we magnify the situation instead of God..
when we look at God, we magnify God instead of the situation..
what is it to depend on God
count: have faith or confidence in;
i guess ultimately God is trying to enforce and remind me again and again to have faith in Him to be confident in Him..
it is in times like these that i realize i have made God too small..
Be Magnified
Verse 1I have made You too small in my eyes
Oh Lord, forgive me
And I have believed in a lie
That You were unable to help me.
But now, Oh Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show Yourself strong
And in my eyes and with my song
Oh Lord, be magnified
Chorus:
Be magnified, Oh Lord
You are highly exalted
And there is nothing You can't do
Oh Lord, my eyes are on You
Be magnified,
Oh Lord, be magnified
Verse 2
I have leaned on the wisdom of men
Oh Lord, forgive me
And I have responded to them
Instead of Your light and Your mercy
But now, Oh Lord, I see my wrong
Heal my heart and show yourself strong
And in my eyes and with my song
Oh Lord be magnified
A song that i have always loved.. because it always speaks so much..
You Alone
You are the peace that guards my heart
My help in time of need
You are the hope that leads me on
And brings me to my knees.
For there I found You waiting
And there I found release
So with all of my heart I worship
And unto You I sing
For You alone deserves all glory
For You alone deserves all praise
Father, we worship and adore You
Father, we long to seek Your face.
For You alone deserves all glory
For You alone deserves all praise
Father we love You
And we worship You this day.
violetjoy signing off~
7:58 AM
There MUST be more than this..
Oh breath of God come breath within
There MUST be more than this
Spirit of God we wait for You
Fill us anew we pray
Fill us anew we pray
Consuming Fire
Fan into flame
A passion for Your name
Spirit of God
Fall in this place
Lord have Your way
Lord have Your way
with usCome like a rushing wind
Fill us with power from on high
Now set the captives free
Leave us abandoned to Your praise
Lord let Your glory fall
Lord let Your glory fall
Stir it up in our hearts
Stir it up in our hearts!
violetjoy signing off~
7:51 AM
Monday, November 17, 2008
i screwed up really badly this time...
what's wrong with me...
why...
ARGH
violetjoy signing off~
11:17 AM
when news came to me on friday night...
i was actually devastated..
not because i wana be in control of the thing, but rather, i had already taken ownership of it..
now taking it away was just.... too sudden...
it taught me something.. rather it reminded me something..
it is how easy God takes away something..
something precious to me..
i guess, He is trying to teach me how to respond correctly..
this year.. He took a lot of things away from me..
every time, my reaction to it probably failed the test..
this time, i want to respond correctly..
even though im disappointed.. but im determined to respond correctly, and according to how He wants me to respond...
once again i'm reminding of the song..
You give and take away, my heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name! (:
violetjoy signing off~
8:33 AM
Friday, November 14, 2008
odd feeling... why am i feeling this way?...
violetjoy signing off~
10:03 PM
Thursday, November 13, 2008
the day flew past..
time with you has also counted as precious..
when will this end..
part of me wants to go..
part of me wants to stay and wait..
a promise i made to myself..
time has become not an issue any more..
if i need to wait. i will continue waiting.. time crawls when i wait for you.. flies when im with you..
(:
violetjoy signing off~
7:48 AM
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
time flies with you
violetjoy signing off~
7:45 AM
Monday, November 10, 2008
i close my eyes and wish that everything else will go away..
violetjoy signing off~
10:43 AM
Sunday, November 9, 2008
a mess cannot show much.. doesnt tell people how well their lives has been.. because it hasnt been well.. a mess cant say that life has been good.. cuz it hasnt..
have been confused by your actions.. false hope seems so real..
mess.. everything is a mess.. trying to survive through the last 7 academic weeks of school which really sux.. no motivation to go school at all.. what has become of me?...
what is wrong with me..
what is happening to me..
why am i turning this way...
ahhhh! sometimes i feel like just sulking and crying.. but apparently it doesnt work this way on earth.. the stronger you appear to be.. the more attention you will get..
the weaker and lousier you are.. the more chance that you will be put aside..
i find myself saying people 'lousy' ... but i know for a fact.. it is that i am saying myself.. over and over again.. the pressure rises.. standards are getting higher.. i'm getting weaker..
thinking that i can do it.. is no longer what i can cling on to..
thinking that i can do it with God's strength.. has been something i have started to doubt it..
it is never easy pretending you dun care about those smug comments..
it is never easy pretending you dun care about what they are saying about you..
as the pressure rises.. its not easy keeping up...
wordly thoughts starting to creep into my head..
it hurts.. emotionally.. mentally.. now.. physically..
emotions that manifest themselves in physical state.. tends to tell me.. that even my body cannot take it any more... im tired of everything..
everything.. trying to keep up to the standards of my leaders.. in my different ministries.. trying to be that example that the people under me, can follow...
how long can i take it.. not much longer... when will i finally collaspe..
when it be when i collaspe that i will realise i need God..
will that day be tragically wrong..
how much of the pain can i take.. how much till i finally break..
people has always see me as 'happy-go-lucky'..
how much longer can they see me this way..
i admit.. the pain when i see it happening over and over again in front of me week after week just increase..
saturdays... sunday... the pain doubles.. triples.. how much longer can i take..
who will notice the pain..
how much longer does God has to break me in order to allow me to realise all i need is Him...
i havent overcome it yet.. i havent succeeded yet.. but the pain is not letting me succeed..
the complexity of this issue is mininal.. but why havent i made the correct choice..
why is letting him go so difficult..
why is not liking him so difficult..
why cant i tell myself its over.. time to move on.. there are greater things for me to settle..
why...
i hate myself for falling for him since the day i met him..
i hate myself even more.. since the day i knew it was over..
why is the pain increasing and tagging behind me...
i wana let go.. is it so difficult.. can someone teach me the correct and sure-work method to forget someone.. cuz i am desperate to get over this...
violetjoy signing off~
7:45 PM
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Sometimes i wish that life would just be a little simpler
Sometimes i wish that the pain would just go away
Sometimes i wish that things would just be a tad easier.
But sometimes i know that it is not as easy as it is…
Sometimes i know that it is simple… it is just not easy…
I fell sick again… sore throat, and cough getting worst, fever coming back…
Voice on the verge of going… (:
But nothing will stop me from praising God! (:
violetjoy signing off~
7:45 AM
Monday, November 3, 2008
it has indeed been a long time since i updated..
many things have changed, and many things have yet to take place..
destiny impact 1st prayer meeting! 5/11 - 8pm.. Honor Room! (:
greater things are yet to come.. greater things are still to be done! (:
violetjoy signing off~
7:43 AM
