Tuesday, April 21, 2009
tonight was a battle..
a strong battle i had to go through...
battle of my thoughts..
for a few weeks now, my thoughts have been flooded with things that i could never imagine that i would think of it... thoughts of suicide.. thoughts of torturing myself.. by cutting myself.. images just flash in front of my eyes.. i had no control..
tonight it was like crazy... thoughts flooded my mind.. tears uncontrollably just kept flowing.. i was tired.. i was upset.. i was disappointed.. i wanted to run away.. i wanted to die...
a part of me trying hard to control all of these.. a part of me.. pulling me away from sanity.. i just kept crying and crying...
thank you Beloved for your prayers... thank you Andy for your encouragements.. thank you Carol..
i could feel the struggle.. it was like a tug-of-war in my soul..
i pulled myself together.. struggled.. crawled to get my Bible..
Philippians 4:8
8Finally, brothers, whatever is
true, whatever is
noble, whatever is
right, whatever is
pure, whatever is
lovely, whatever is
admirable—if anything is
excellent or praiseworthy—
think about such things.1 Corinthians 14:33
33 For God is not
the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints.
Romans 5: 1-5
1 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
2 through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
3 And not only
that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that
tribulation produces perseverance;
4 and
perseverance, character; and
character, hope.
5 Now
hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.John 14:6-7
6 Jesus said to him, “I am the
way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.
7 “If you had known Me, you would have known My Father also; and from now on you know Him and have seen Him.”
Luke 22:32
32 But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to
Me, strengthen your brethren.”
Acts 10:35
35 But in every nation whoever
fears Him and works righteousness is accepted by Him.
Ephesians 6: 14-18
14 Stand therefore, having
girded your waist with truth, having put on the
breastplate of righteousness,
15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the
gospel of peace;
16 above all, taking the
shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one.
17 And take the
helmet of salvation, and the
sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God;
18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints—
Hebrews 11:1
1 Now
faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
Hebrews 10:35-36
35 Therefore
do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward.
36 For you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise:
Verses after verses... God spoke... talking about faith.. talking about endurance..
which neither do i have...
after verses.. i knelted just peeking through my room's windows.. there i see a cloud of a child praying... then a little voice in me said, pray.. and i prayed.. in a long time now.. i havent prayed so honestly to Him... i prayed..
after that took the guitar and play.. some written in my hearts.. all sang to Him.. songs of confession.. songs of praise.. songs of re-dedication of my promises to Him.. songs of most honest feelings.. songs of desperate help... it all came out in words..
refreshed in the Spirit.. exhuasted in the flesh.. time to rest.. rest in His peace..
rest in Him...
violetjoy signing off~
12:23 AM
