Saturday, June 27, 2009
I haven't really told anyone about what I have been through.. except for one person.. I don't know how and where to start.. my side of the story.. might sound crap.. but it is what I have been through.. As much as I might have been wrong some where, I can't just discredit all that I am feeling right now..
I don't share it with others YET. cuz I don't want to say anything wrong.. or against the leadership.. or say anything to stumble anyone.. I tried to 'fix' it myself.. I failed.. terribly failed..
I dare not say that I am all right in this situation.. but hey.. that was what happened and that was how I felt.. probably unjustified to a certain extent, but what the hey right..
my side of the story is a whole jumbled mess.. is a mess that I can't take it myself.. can't..
this whole story is over.. just forget it.. if need be, I'll just take everything and just move on...
i'll take it as a training.. training for me to learn to be more humble.. more submissive.. more enduring.. more patient..
violetjoy signing off~
4:11 PM
Friday, June 26, 2009
I'm tired... I'm really tired of all that is happening around me...
I'm really tired of keeping this up...
I tried.. But I keep failing.. It is easy to say 'then, just try again'.. But it lies far beyond those words..
I'm really tired...
violetjoy signing off~
7:33 PM
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
some people are just more talented than others.. today... i see that..
i came here so as to be able to express myself.. needless to say.. of cuz.. there will always be someone who can do better than me.. i tried so hard to do something so good.. yet.. in the eyes of others.. 'nah, she probably can't do it'
oh well.. i give up.. isnt that a good thing huh! i give up
i give up all the pretending that i can do it.. because SOMEONE ELSE CAN ALWAYS DO IT BETTER THAN ME!
Today i feel so betrayed.. so taken advantage of.. so useless.. so dumb..
i tried.. i really did.. but in all end up in tears.. in the dark where no one can see..
you cannot do this to me...
you really cannot...
you cannot...
violetjoy signing off~
4:31 PM
you need to know your limits...
and hey! guess what?..
THIS IS AS MUCH AS I CAN TAKE IT!
violetjoy signing off~
4:27 PM
Monday, June 22, 2009
mind really mixed now.. what should i do? where should i go?
argh..
violetjoy signing off~
4:32 PM
Saturday, June 20, 2009
yay (: i get to be daddy's girl again for the next 2 weeks! (: weeee (: miss my daddy and mummy so much! (:
violetjoy signing off~
9:51 PM
nahh.. im not going to be bothered by all that.. i wana focus on God..
FOCUS on GOD..
FOCUS!
violetjoy signing off~
12:38 AM
Friday, June 19, 2009
im tired of pretending to be someone im not.. im tired of people pretending that they care.. when actually they just want to fulfill a hidden agenda of theirs...
im tired of just doing and doing thinking that, that would at least help someone out.. what's the point right?
where is the real and genuine care and concern? what happen to all that?
im tired of people trying to achieve their own agenda and end up pretending to be close to someone.. can't it just stop?!
im so frustrated when all they want is just to ask a favor from you.. and when they found someone better.. you are as good as trash.. yea.. trash.. what is the meaning of all these?
why am i feeling this way?
is it just me? or it is something real? i don't even know..
JUST STOP!
violetjoy signing off~
3:38 PM
Thursday, June 18, 2009
there are a thousand things that i want to say.. a thousand and one things in my mind.. that i want to voice out.. but some things just couldnt find a chance to voice it out.. may sound rude.. rebellious.. but what the hey right?..
there are things i see and do not agree with.. there are things that is in my heart.. if i hold it any longer i'll explode! how?... HOW? who wants to hear what i say? (:
a new start.. in three weeks.. the date is 07/07..
a special day that im looking forward to..
violetjoy signing off~
11:46 PM
Saturday, June 6, 2009
light at the end of the tunnel...
at the end of the tunnel.. there is always light... right?...
well.. at least.. i think so...
well.. through all these.. there was one song that ministered to me the whole time..
You Are - Mark RoachVerse 1You are Holy, You are faithful
You are Savior, You are friend
You are all I’ll ever need…
Lord, You are
You are every question’s answer
You are every reason why
You are moving, You are still…
Lord, You are
ChorusYou are the Lord on high
You are the way, the truth, the life
You are the Word made flesh
You are the bright Morning Star…
You are
Verse 2You are Glory, Hallelujah
You are hope of peace on earth
You are Alpha and Omega…
You are
You are comfort, You are refuge
You are
love personifiedYou are kindness and compassion…
You are
BridgeYou are my God and my King
You are the words that I sing
You are the reason I make this offering
Of the whole song.. this phrase just kept ringing in my head..
You are love personified..wow... and if He is love.. why are we behaving so self-centered..
another phrase that kept ringing in my head was
You are every question’s answerYou are every reason why..we argue about the issues in church.. we argue about everything there is.. everything we see..
but so often we forget that we have already lost the focus.. the focus is on God..
and i see the difference..
In the midst of everything that I was going through.. i was so frustrated.. irritated.. i just felt like running away.. but then i left all these aside.. and started to focus on God.. focus on His love.. and then.. things don't disappear.. but things suddenly seems so small.. things suddenly seem so negligent.. then i realised.. why am i so hung up on all the small details.. all my emotions..
when God is big.. everything seems small.. and after all it was just a matter of perspective.. and then i realised God is indeed that big..
everything has an answer.. the answer is God..
violetjoy signing off~
5:11 PM
